Happy Birthday – Reconciliation of Ages

I’m not an idiot.

The math adds up perfectly.

You’ve been gone two years this passed Juned.

This is the 3rd birthday you haven’t been here to celebrate.

I’m not an idiot. Never been a whiz at math, but these numbers… I understand them all too well.

But here is where I can’t make it make sense. Here is where I can’t find reconciliation.

I cannot bridge the gap of who you were on that beautiful last day… on the cusp of forever… and who you would be today.

I imagine you forever young. As my body continues to tire… faster and fast I’m sure… you will always be the spirited angel of 25… bounds in front of me on every hike with nothing betrayed in your eyes but pure hope. Yet on this third birthday without you I cannot help but to imagine you as the woman you would be today if we had be given so much.

Married of course. My mom has described the dress you described to her and I see it in my dreams always.

Kids? Probably not just yet… but we’d be getting close.

You’d be graduating soon. Forestry and Criminal Justice. You’d be a shoe-in for being a ranger. I wonder what parks we would have been stationed at before you were with them long enough to get your pick.

You, Bethany, will remain forever young. Forever perfect. I will never love you less than I did on the day I intended to promise you my forever. Yet I will always wonder what the world lost out on when you left us and went home.

Enjoy home.

I’ll see you soon enough.

Love, Richard


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